Today, we cover 11 dirty ideas to spice up your sex life…because good sex is supposed to be a little dirty! Have you ever wanted to have a night or weekend with your partner that was just about keeping you both aroused? Something a little extra, something to spice things up and have you both ready to get naked and get it on? I’m pretty sure we all have. Now, have you tried to look for ideas on the internet and found absolutely nothing like what you were looking for? That’s what happened to us many times over the years.
Since we’ve been there, we thought we’d write our own ideas for you. We will try to cover ideas for the very vanilla, and the more adventurous souls out there. As with anything, keep your goals as a couple in mind when deciding what and how to spice things up. Some couples are very conservative in their approach to sex, while other are wild and adventurous, even inviting others into their beds. We aren’t here to judge you, or tell you what is right for you. Take our suggestions and fit them to your lifestyle and needs. Many of the ideas you read here will have hyper-links to articles covering them more in depth as we get them posted.
Keep in mind while reading these suggestions, if either party is uncomfortable with something, or not having fun, neither of you will have much fun. Plan these together and ensure you are both excited about the plan.
Without further adieu, here are 11 dirty ideas to spice up your sex life.
1 – Sexy Pictures Please!
Taking erotic or sexy photos is a fun, easy, and inexpensive way to spice things up. As a guy, I love taking pictures of Barbwire, but I often forget that she likes taking pictures of me too, so keep one another in mind. This can be a spur of the moment thing, or you can really plan it out. When completed, we’ll link our article to DIY Bourdoir here so you can get some more ideas that take a little more planning.
We do take sexy pictures at home, but we love getting a hotel or Air BnB with good lighting, some lingerie, and taking literally hundreds or thousands of pictures. Yes, hundreds or even thousands at times, together we go back later and pick our favorites from each pose. The pictures are fun to take, keep us thinking about each others bodies, and are always there for us to look back on. For one of our Boudoir shoots, we even made a physical album for Barbwire.
[Barbwire] I don’t spend a lot of time looking at the album, but it turned out amazing, and here and there I like to show someone if it comes up in conversation. It’s an awesome reminder of a fun weekend that we can look back on whenever we want. It was fun getting dressed up and playing around with sexy poses and positions. And I’m betting we could come up with some new poses and outfits for the next book!
Want to step this up a little,? Try adding some outdoor pictures as well. This can be in your back yard, a friend’s property, even a park. Just remember to keep things legal with the dress code. Sexy doesn’t necessarily mean nude. I’m not saying we haven’t crossed that line, but I’m certainly not suggesting you do.
Outfits can be as easy or complicated as you want them to be. Sometimes an open button up shirt and bed hair can be just as sexy, or even sexier, than expensive lingerie. Feel free to mix this in with some of the next activity in this list… role play!
2 – Role Play Ideas to Spice Up Your Sex Life
Role play can be scary and exciting at the same time. You are acting like a different person, and so is your partner. Because of this neither of you really knows what to expect from the other. The classic is meeting again for the first time. You show up to a bar or other public place, find an attractive person you just have to talk to, and introduce yourself to them as if it were the first time you’d met. You could be yourself, or create a whole new personality for it. If you try this, plan accordingly for your personalities.
Be aware of risks with your plan.
It’s possible someone may flirt with your partner while they are waiting on you. Are you both OK with that? If you have concerns, you can alter the setting to prevent unwanted distractions the best you can. For us, I was rather turned on that Barbwire had been treated with multiple drinks from an anonymous person or persons before I made my move in the bar. To me, I know this makes her feel attractive and confident. And confidence is sexy, don’t you think!? Admittedly, she was a little disappointed that they didn’t have the courage to let her know who it was. Even if she wasn’t attracted, she would have found the gesture flattering and not been offended. She would have probably even sat and chatted with them (thus delaying me making my move, but I’d have been ok with that). I knew we had a clear plan for the night, and it didn’t involve anyone else beyond a certain point.
[Barbwire] He so would have delayed making his move, sitting across the room, wanting to come over, but at the same time, playing a role of someone that didn’t know what was going on or who I was there with. Obviously, we both knew, but half the fun is in pretending, and waiting to see what reaction the other person is going to pretend to have.
To keep your night entertaining for you both and avoid drama that would undoubtedly ruin a fun night, make sure your are both on the same page about the plan.
Another idea. Get a hotel with adjoining rooms, 2 rooms, or an AirBnB. One of you shows up at the others door. This can be done with many scenarios.
Accidentally shows up at the wrong door and gets invited in
Stripper or Escort
Rendezvous between secret lovers or business associates
Whatever you can imagine, get creative
A helpful tip about these kind of role-play. If possible try to surprise your partner as much as possible. Don’t share the details, including what persona you will be taking on. Don’t overthink it. Have fun!
3 – A little BDSM (or a lot!)
For those starting out, hearing the words BDSM can be frightening, however, chances are you’ve already dabbled a little in it. Ever blindfolded your partner? Spanked their ass a little? Maybe handcuffed them or tied them to the bedpost? Welcome to the BDSM community.
BDSM can be as light, or as wild as you want it to be, but with any form of BDSM, safety and respect have to come first. Blindfolds can be fun, but if you really want to amp up the sensations pick a playlist and put headphones on your partner. When you can’t see what is happening, you naturally feel the sensations of teasing (or other sensations) more acutely, but when you add the headphones and your partner can’t see or hear…. Well, let’s just say it turns the dial up a lot.
Bondage. The number one rule here is safety! If you tie someone up, make sure you are not cutting off circulation. Leave room for you to slide 3 fingers between the rope and their skin. Have something handy to cut the rope safely in case you need to remove it quickly. Trauma shears are cheap and safer than a knife or scissors, get some. You may prefer handcuffs, just make sure you have the key and they aren’t too tight.
For the more advanced, try looking at some bondage furniture together. There is so much variety out there to explore. I know our own must have list includes a bondage bed and a St. Andrews Cross. We can’t wait!!! We’re actually going to make our own Cross!
Spanking. Spanking can be light and gentle, or it can leave bruises and whelps. There are those that prefer the bruises and whelps, but leave that to the experienced. Barbwire likes to be spanked a little harder than I am sometimes comfortable striking her. That’s ok. I know this way it’s less likely that I injure her.
Scratching and clawing – Where Barbwire likes to be spanked a little harder than I am sometimes comfortable with, I enjoy being scratched and clawed during sex more than she is sometimes comfortable with, to the point of drawing blood even. During sex, hormones get to flowing and pain can sometimes feel like pleasure.
Due to Barbwire breaking her nails on a few occasions while clawing my back, she purchased some Bear Paws that have worked out great (especially when combined with sensory deprivation). The Bear Paws are plastic “claws” for pulling cooked meat apart. They have five “claws”, and they have relatively sharp tips, but just the tip! We know our limits together, and we respect them. We tried the metal version, but they were dull and just didn’t work as well for us.
If you’re new to BDSM, take it slow, do your research, and keep safety and your partners needs in mind. After each session, spend time with what is known as aftercare. Take care of your body, your partners body, and each other’s psychological needs. This is the most important aspect of BDSM, and even more so that further you delve into this world.
4 – Bucket lists
Want to have a fun night that doesn’t require going anywhere, or lot’s of preparation? Try staying in and making bucket lists together. Name a theme for your bucket lists and each make your own, then share with one another. Themes can be specific or broad. For example, they may be as specific as 10 places you want to have sex, or 10 sexiest celebrities, or they could be broad like 10 sexy things you’d enjoy doing together, 10 sexy date scenarios you’d enjoy, etc.
After you make your list, elaborate and get into the details of each and why you like it or it turns you on. Once complete, share your bucket list with your partner and discuss each one. Maybe even start to make plans. Take turns trying a couple things on the other person’s list. It’s only kinky the first time…try it out! Maybe you’ll find something you never expected to enjoy so much.
5 – Games
Have a sexy game night. Classic strip poker is an easy spur of the moment game to play, but there are a ton of games out there for anything from couples to a group of friends. You’ve heard of Card’s against Humanity right? We found a fun one to play with other adults that is similar, but with a dirtier spin called “That’s What She Said”, it’s fun and keeps you thinking about sex until you get there.
There are other card and dice games that give you various positions to enact sexual teases or favors. Maybe you’ll draw a card that asks you to do something that initially seems silly…but then you realize the unexpected and new thing you did REALLY turns your partner on…bonus! There are even plain playing cards with naughty pictures you can get for standard card games that you play every day.
One of my favorite pictures Barbwire ever sent me, I got because we were playing a game that told her to go take a naughty selfie and text it to me. No makeup, just and impromptu naughty pic in front of a mirror.
6 – Posting sexy or erotic pictures online together
This one is for those a little more adventurous. It can be as discreet as you want, or you can bare everything including your face. Just make sure that the site or forum you post it on is appropriate for the content included. Reddit allows for nudity in NSFW groups, although some have rules that make it almost impossible to post in them, so read the rules.
For some of you a picture of your bare chested man, or your girl in a swimsuit might be a little outside your comfort zone to post, yet at the same time it’s intriguing and exciting. If that describes you, consider blurring faces, cropping the pic, or whatever gives you the confidence to move forward.
If you want to kick things up another notch, make a sex tape. Whether or not you post or share it anywhere is completely up to the two of you (or more if that’s your thing), but it can be fun and exciting to re-watch later. That, and of course it can be a bit thrilling just knowing your skills are being documented.
7 – Choose and Watch some porn together
I say choose and watch, because often our taste in porn is different from that of our partner, and we do want to enjoy this TOGETHER, right? I know Barbwire and I have different taste. Unfortunately for her, the guys in porn are rarely ever attractive to her, but hey, she can still enjoy the hot girls and the setting or scenario on screen.
When we watch porn, we try to find something we can both enjoy. Island Fever has been a good one for us, lot’s of variety, a couple of hot guys, several hot girls, even some lesbian action. Even better, no fake sex moans, it’s all overlaid with music. Pirates was good, quite cheesy, but entertaining enough. A guy she found attractive, and a few hot girls for us both.
[Barbwire] Maybe if watching it isn’t really your thing, it doesn’t turn you on to see lots of tanned naked sexiness, that’s ok. You can still get something out of it! Maybe you see a pose or outfit for your own pictures, or perhaps you get some ideas for your next role play night. Get what you can out of it, don’t take it too seriously, and have fun!
8 – Dress outside your comfort zone for date night
If jealousy isn’t an issue with your relationship, find something just a little outside each of your comfort zones that your partner really likes, and wear it out on Date night. Go out to eat, go to a bar, shoot some pool. Guys, wear those tight pants she likes, maybe she likes your shirt partially unbuttoned. Girls, wear those short skirts, shorts, etc, or tight pants, maybe a lower cut shirt that what you’d normally wear or a sexy choker.
The options are endless and it really is up to the two of you, and only you. Maybe what your partner requests isn’t a style you’d typically like, but this is supposed to be for fun, and it’s a small price to pay for seeing the look on their face when they’re really turned on by what you’re wearing. It’s your night, for your enjoyment, so don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. Then, most importantly, focus on each other and tease each other all night. Whatever it is, roll with it as long as it’s fun.
9 – Use Sex Toys in Public
Sex toys in Public? Yes!! And it can be so exciting. Many Panty Vibes can connect to an app on your phone now, and you can either control if from the app, or share permission with your partner (or anyone else for that matter) as long as they have the app as well. The Lovense Ferri is Barbwire’s favorite (by a lot!), and she’s tried several of them.
Don’t feel like you are left out guys, the We-Vibe Bond and Lovense Diamo (review coming soon) was made for you. They are both cock rings with the Diamo also having perineal stimulation. Both can be controlled from your phone, or your partner’s just like the panty vibes for the girls.
The Ferri had Barbwire doing what onlookers probably mistook for the pee pee dance in the middle of Walmart (unfortunately the battery died right before she cummed because we’d not charged it).
[Barbwire] Yeah…imagine trying to keep a straight face and knowing that your partner knows exactly what the problem is, but you don’t want the little old lady in front of you to know you’re seconds away from an orgasm…good times haha!
Already tried the panty vibe? What about adding vibrating nipple clamps to the mix ;). Lovense Gemeni are app controlled nipple clamps. A little bigger than your normal clamps, but soft and comfortable, yet strong enough to stay attached.
[Barbwire] They’re so much more confortable to me than the clamps that are stronger. I mean, I like my nipples played with. Pinch away. Sometimes Shadow hesitates to pinch harder because he doesn’t want to hurt me…but refer to #3. I like that they don’t fall off if they’re adjusted loosely, but you can definitely clamp them down well.
10 – Semi-Public nudity or sex
Semi-Public nudity or sex may imply exhibitionism, but it can also be for the voyeur. I specify “Semi”-Public here due to laws that govern where certain acts can legally be carried out, cross that line at your own risk. There are places however that you can have sex in the open with everyone watching, or if you choose, just sit back at (or in) the pool with a cold drink and watch others.
Secrets Hideaway Resort in Florida is one such venue. We mentioned this one in our review of the Snailvibe. It’s labeled as a swingers resort, but as with any swingers club, not everyone there is a swinger. Nudist, voyeurs, exhibitionist, swingers, and those with many other kinks attend. There is a large pool near an entertainment stage, outdoor bars, food, dance floor, dungeon, and sex store. And yes, you can get oral in the pool, or just straight up fuck like rabbits if you want.
As far as resorts like this go, Secrets is the only one we’ve found yet within the US, if you know of others, please let us know. [Barbwire] Because I’ll try anything twice! There are adult cruises as well. Some are just adult oriented, some are nude cruises.
On the cheaper side, you can go on a drive and both be shirtless, just don’t drive distracted and be aware of topless laws in the area. To us, a woman being topless is no different than a man being topless, but not everyone sees it that way. Not into the driving topless, go kayaking, camping, or hiking and find somewhere secluded. We did just such a thing and ended up having sex between two large boulders atop a canyon right beside a hiking trail. The thrill of doing it in the open with the possibility of getting caught can really get your hormones stirred up.
Yes! I know my shirt is still on in the pic above. What can I say? Sometimes when you’re out with Barbwire, her clothes just come off!
11 - Emails
This last idea to spice up your sex life, may be the easiest and cheapest yet. Simply decide on a theme and write each other an email. It could be based on a sexual fantasy, bucket list ideas with a theme, or basically any theme that is sure to get the two of you turned on. Ideally, the theme will turn you on while writing it, and even more while reading your partner’s email.
There you have it. Our 11 dirty ideas to spice up your sex life. This is where I’m gonna give a few final reminders. Plan these things with your partner. Be honest with one another. Don’t stray from the plan. Surprise your partner. Be safe. Enjoy the foreplay. And last, but certainly not least, enjoy the sex, because sex should be fun!
Please help up share ideas with our viewers by posting any sexy ideas you may have to spice up your sex life below
